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Thursday, March 31, 2005

Words spread fast... Recently I told some seniors that I MAY be changing CCA. As in I think maybe I will leave track and field. Why are there people that I didn't tell, asking me why am I leaving track and trying to ask me to stay. I haven't even comfirm it. So now it is like because of my ego..in case people think I am using leaving as a gimmick for others to ask me to stay... I think there is a high chance that I am not staying.
Why am I thinking of quitting... because I don't feel that I belong in track and field... I don't feel at home. I feel left out at times, out of place.
I counted how many people I will miss or at least I feel that I can talk to in field (without thinking to hard about what to say). It came down to 8. The rest, I find it very difficult to hold a conversation with them... just nothing to talk about really. Out of this 8 people, 2 are girls. One of them is a jumper and so hardly get to talk to her. The other one is my shot put senior who has another CCA and hardly see her during trainings. Also, out of this 8 people, only one person is a J1. That's for the stats. My goodness!
Sometimes when there is pair work to be done like e.g. medson ball and intense stretching, when there are odd number of girls, I will find myself being left out. It is not like I did not take the initiative to ask for a partner! I asked and sometimes I get horrible response like "Wait, i see if she wants to pair with me or not first." That hurts! I don't think this ever happened to me before in IJRCY. Am I that dull a person that no girl is willing to pair with me? I don't feel so. Then at times during gym, I just ignor the whole point that we are suppose to do our sets with our pairs. When I finished my sets I end up stoning somewhere waiting for the rest. At times when the other girls finished, they will sit around and chat. I seriously don't find their small chat interesting and thus I don't contribute to their conversation and may just fall asleep or sit down to stone. Besides, even if I try to contribute, they don't seem to hear me anyway.
And right from the start, I think track and field, you don't need to think too much. It is just physical. My mindset is still not changed after 4months. Yeah, perhaps it is because I started out in the team earlier than the J1s so I am closer to the J2s naturally. But of course, not very close to them either. Oh yes, all the throwers we have now are experienced, but I am not. Most of them are arts students so we attend different lectures, have different tutors coaching us and so can't talk much about common school stuff. I am not discriminating them of course but I feel that whenever they talk about this tutor or something, I can't relate to them. So there goes another point of difference.
Track and Field trains 3 times officially each week. Time consuming right? One of the most time conduming CCA in AJ. How to concentrate on studies? When I reach home, I am dead beat.
Currently in a dilema whether to stay on. I told my favourite senior in field ( shot putter too) that I may be quitting... he was trying to influence me ( again) to stay. He even went to the extent to say he will miss me. LOL. He is like my closest friend in T&F. Ah no special relationship! Seriously no, he is just my good friend.

Also, I heard that there are not many people who join track and field during the CCA Carnival and that there are no female who signed up as throwers(wonder if that is reliable). Am I suppose to feel oblidged to stay?
However, what will I join if I change CCA? I signed up for soccer and ODAC during CCA carnival. Meaning that I have to make new friends again. That's not really a problem for me. For those who really know me... I am friendly right? Not the quiet and shy type I think.
Meanwhile I still got to go for competition this Saturday at Bukit Gombat stadium... my goodness... I don't even think I can qualify! I really hope my rc mates will be there to support me! But seriously that is too much to ask for lah. I just miss them so much. They give the best support...something which I don't feel in T&F...
I'm like so confused and upset over CCA now....

what we could have been, 8:46 PM.
Friday, March 25, 2005

I am going to miss my class 2105 so damn much! Well, especially the AA (attract attention) club members.
Weiling is posted to CJC... my gosh I am going to miss her so much... miss her hugs and miss her sitting next to me during tutorials. Angela is posted to NJC... I will miss her being so enthusiastic all the time, playing pranks on people with me, her yellow shoes, and having her running in front of me during PE (LOL at our private joke). Wei Liang posted to NYJC... will miss him calling me penguin, woohing with the rest, hear all his lame jokes. Xianglong went to TJC, will miss him trying to make lessons more interesting by talking crap to the tutors, miss him trying to run away from tutorials, his lame jokes, him as a poser. JuiYing posted to NJC...will miss her saying " you know what?" and also the way she absent-mindedly beats the person sitting next to her while talking.
My AA club would shout to people in AJ square from our forth level corner classroom. Craziest thing we have done is to shout our OM's name and quickly take cover when he turned to see who shouted his name. We would sometimes shout "We love you Miss Low" ( Ms Low our PD tutor) when Miss Low is walking to our class.
Angela and I ever stood behind a wall at the staircase attempting to scare Miss Chua before tutorial but failed and we tried to race her up the stairs having her complaining that it is unfair because she is wearing heels. Well, we didn't amnage to scare her that time but we scared another tutor though. I managed to scare Miss Chua after her tutorial.
AA club members also kallang-waved during econs lecture when the lecturer wasn't looking. We also came out with the AA club signal and we use it quite often now. Oh yes, we ever "woohed" all the way from the LT to the canteen and have many people staring at us.
Other memorable times... Wei liang and Jia Sheng always trying to tease me by trying to walk like a penguin and calling me by all sorts of nick names. New Nickname is "a sea of penguins" originated from " a sea of electrons". Miss the times we talk about some of the screwed up science practicals...

I will miss most people from 2105.

what we could have been, 11:30 PM.

Foreword: This short story is about the jealous reactions of one person to the success of a friend. I have used the first person’s narrative to write this story. This is used so that I can convey strong feelings of this character more clearly. See the effect between “I was annoyed” and “She was annoyed”. I thought that by using “I” readers could get a stronger feeling. Oh yes, please do not use this as a model essay because there may be grammatical errors here and there. I also used the flashback technique to create some suspense. I have to emphasize that the “I” in the story is not me and all names mentioned in the story is just coincidental without any intention to refer to anyone in real life. Give me some feedback and tell me your feelings after reading (even if you hate a character in the story). So here goes the story about a girl who was jealous of the success of her friend. Enjoy.

After a minute of hesitation, I uncapped the bottle of distilled water and added half a bottle of Sulphuric acid into it and screwed it back on before anyone noticed. A wicker smile flickered across my face as I cleared my bench and sat down to continue with the calculations of the Chemistry practical exam.

I remembered vividly, it all started out on the day we received our Mid-Year Examination results. Rene came running towards me as I sat melancholy at the cold stone bench overseeing the school field, clenching my result slip. “So, tell me, how did you do for your chemistry? Mrs. Lian said I came in top in the level for Chemistry. I’ve scored ninety-nine percent,” Rene boasted and carried on rattling about the effort she put in while I continue staring blankly into her face. Rene dragged me towards the gates of the school, as she wanted me to celebrate her success with her. As all her words started to sink in, I stopped in the midst of the driveway; l lifted my head and turned to face her.

“Sorry, I am not feeling well today. I need to go home.” I walked off without waiting for her reply. It was not a falsehood that I am feeling sick- I am in fact feeling sick with jealousy.

I hated her. I hated the way she boasted about her results while I was on the verge of failing my examinations; the way she forced me to celebrate her success; the way she toss her hair and stick her nose in the air; all the times she got better results than me. I hated every morsel of her and anything that has got to do with her.

Angry tears of jealousy would well up my eyes every time I thought about her success and my failure. The fact that she always seemed to treat me like her best friends was very irritating. It really seemed like rubbing salt into my painful wound. She demoralized me every time and so I hated her.

One week before the practical examination, Rene came to me and told me she would be sitting at the exact place as me during the Chemistry practical examination. However, she will be in the shift after mine. She went on telling me about things that could not remember now but I knew the cell of jealousy in me was growing bigger by the moment.

“Times up, stop writing!” exclaimed the invigilator, as I was rudely jolted out of my reverie. As we were leaving the laboratory, the invigilator said” Hope none of you students regret any mistakes you have done today. Good luck for the other papers.” The invigilator’s voice continued to reverberate in my mind as I urged my cold feet to fasten its pace in order not to meet Rene anywhere.


what we could have been, 3:55 PM.

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