Friday, August 25, 2006
argh... irritated
I thought I got out of the sticky mess, but looks like there is still a bit of stickiness I need to manage here.
I really don't want to care about this anymore. I just can't. Sometimes I don't think it is worth it. If you can't treasure what you already have and cause yourself so much misery over something you have lost and I doubt you can ever get it back, in what way more can I still help you. Open your eyes big and you will see. There are so many people around you who cares so much about you. And sometimes I just feel that you just take them as if they were the pillars you pass by. I feel like I am one of the pillars too. I don't know but I get this feeling that when you look for me and hang out with me, it is not your true intention. I can't be there for you to cry on all the time. You have got to learn and stand on your own feet. Whatever, say I don't understand. I just can't help you anymore... that is the limit where I will go. Sorry. I still regard you as a friend but then, I kind of feel that I am taken for granted here.
As for the other you, team-mate, I hope that it will not affect your A's and as well as mine. I still remember your friendship, no matter what. But for your good,perhaps mine too, I think I will have to 'siam' you as well. Sorry for that. Perhaps in that way, she won't have the excuse to come near you. If you know what I mean. Hopefully you will understand. Thanks for all those times you encouraged me and made me perservere to complete the race or the climb. I didn't want our friendship to turn out this way too. At the moment, I just can't think of anything better.
I guess this must have sounded really selfish. But what can I do. I don't want myself to suffer over something that does not even concern me in the first place. I wanted to be a pillar of hope at the start but I came to realise that there is only so much I can do. I have been there for you and I think it is time I have to help myself and devote more time for myself to reach my own goals. Hope you can understand and just let me be.
I will not let anything stop me, for I now have already set my goal, and it is time for me to get there.
Glad for me? No longer drifting aimlessly. I have found some direction in life and am working towards it.
I thought I got out of the sticky mess, but looks like there is still a bit of stickiness I need to manage here.
I really don't want to care about this anymore. I just can't. Sometimes I don't think it is worth it. If you can't treasure what you already have and cause yourself so much misery over something you have lost and I doubt you can ever get it back, in what way more can I still help you. Open your eyes big and you will see. There are so many people around you who cares so much about you. And sometimes I just feel that you just take them as if they were the pillars you pass by. I feel like I am one of the pillars too. I don't know but I get this feeling that when you look for me and hang out with me, it is not your true intention. I can't be there for you to cry on all the time. You have got to learn and stand on your own feet. Whatever, say I don't understand. I just can't help you anymore... that is the limit where I will go. Sorry. I still regard you as a friend but then, I kind of feel that I am taken for granted here.
As for the other you, team-mate, I hope that it will not affect your A's and as well as mine. I still remember your friendship, no matter what. But for your good,perhaps mine too, I think I will have to 'siam' you as well. Sorry for that. Perhaps in that way, she won't have the excuse to come near you. If you know what I mean. Hopefully you will understand. Thanks for all those times you encouraged me and made me perservere to complete the race or the climb. I didn't want our friendship to turn out this way too. At the moment, I just can't think of anything better.
I guess this must have sounded really selfish. But what can I do. I don't want myself to suffer over something that does not even concern me in the first place. I wanted to be a pillar of hope at the start but I came to realise that there is only so much I can do. I have been there for you and I think it is time I have to help myself and devote more time for myself to reach my own goals. Hope you can understand and just let me be.
I will not let anything stop me, for I now have already set my goal, and it is time for me to get there.
Glad for me? No longer drifting aimlessly. I have found some direction in life and am working towards it.
what we could have been, 12:11 AM.
