Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Chua asked why I did not sign up for half marathon this year. And I hesitated as to what I should tell him. Then I said "I thought nobody running half, so I signed up for 10km." Basically, I think I half-lied.
I really wanted to run the half. And I thought that since ODACians have agreed on signing up for the 10km then I should just go with the majority. Making it perhaps another ODAC event. It was a dissapointment to hear Hazel telling me today that the rest are thinking of signing up for the half marathon. And I thought we have agreed earlier on. I was trying to hide that disspointment and that little bit of frustration mixed with a pinch of anger. First phrase that came to mind was "pang-seh". Didn't take into consideration how I will have felt probably. Especially I have told them not only once that I have signed up for 10km. It wasn't like I didn't ask them time and again before signing up what they really want. feeling hurt now.
Luckily Myra already signed up for 10km. If no one signs up for 10km after all the talk before I signed up then it will be extremely dissapointing and I would feel like it didn't matter whether I existed in the batch. If that was to happen, I would probably burst out in tears over my regret for not signing for half marathon, Chua hounding me and perhaps my "non-existance" in a CCA that I thought I enjoyed. I'm probably too concerned over whether I am being thought for, un-cherished. :(
Didn't feel like my friendship has been appreciated.
Didn't feel like I mattered.
Perhaps it didn't matter whether I felt like I mattered.
Hmm, just don't feel good.
Dissapointment grows more each day.
Doesn't feel like I have more to say.
"Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me."
-Eminem: Stan
I really wanted to run the half. And I thought that since ODACians have agreed on signing up for the 10km then I should just go with the majority. Making it perhaps another ODAC event. It was a dissapointment to hear Hazel telling me today that the rest are thinking of signing up for the half marathon. And I thought we have agreed earlier on. I was trying to hide that disspointment and that little bit of frustration mixed with a pinch of anger. First phrase that came to mind was "pang-seh". Didn't take into consideration how I will have felt probably. Especially I have told them not only once that I have signed up for 10km. It wasn't like I didn't ask them time and again before signing up what they really want. feeling hurt now.
Luckily Myra already signed up for 10km. If no one signs up for 10km after all the talk before I signed up then it will be extremely dissapointing and I would feel like it didn't matter whether I existed in the batch. If that was to happen, I would probably burst out in tears over my regret for not signing for half marathon, Chua hounding me and perhaps my "non-existance" in a CCA that I thought I enjoyed. I'm probably too concerned over whether I am being thought for, un-cherished. :(
Didn't feel like my friendship has been appreciated.
Didn't feel like I mattered.
Perhaps it didn't matter whether I felt like I mattered.
Hmm, just don't feel good.
Dissapointment grows more each day.
Doesn't feel like I have more to say.
"Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me."
-Eminem: Stan
what we could have been, 10:44 PM.
