Monday, February 23, 2009
Can't believe I have ordered Java Chip at Starbucks. It is something he likes to drink- and probably one of the reason was because it was (or is) 35.45's favourite drink. Really surprised me that I have ordered it. Perhaps I have gotten over the whole matter and moved on. But if to view it in a more passive way, I must have sank deeper.
Valentine's Day roses
Valentine's Day roses
what we could have been, 2:34 PM.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I didn't jog today and it is worse seeing 35.45 jogs. Happens that 35.45 is in the same weight cat as me now... it's irritating too. If 39.10 expects me to be thinner then I must at least be lighter than 35.45. That's my metality.
Recently I have been hoping that 39.10 would tell me that he wants to spend the whole day with me on sunday. Yes vday is on saturday but then I think it would make me feel more secure if I see 39.10 on Sunday. Rational being that 35.45's birthday falls on Sunday, deep inside, I am afraid that 39.10 would want to celebrate her birthday. Last year was already hurting enough. I don't want a something similar to happen again. I didn't want to suggest vday celeb to be on Suunday because I want to be trusting towards 39.10, even if he claims he would be home the whole day, I would believe. Or would I? Before Sunday could even come, he told me today that he has to attend a friend's wedding this Sunday... which mad me doubtful. I totally detest a relationship where mistrust exist... so much that I feel like ending it sometimes. It is all these mistrusts and doubts that makes this relationship so untolerable.
I don't want my first vday being attached to be disappointing. I don't want to learn that the day after vday is a day of the relationship's destruction (it would be if 39.10 wants to celebrate 35.45's birthday - I'm that petty).
Recently I have been hoping that 39.10 would tell me that he wants to spend the whole day with me on sunday. Yes vday is on saturday but then I think it would make me feel more secure if I see 39.10 on Sunday. Rational being that 35.45's birthday falls on Sunday, deep inside, I am afraid that 39.10 would want to celebrate her birthday. Last year was already hurting enough. I don't want a something similar to happen again. I didn't want to suggest vday celeb to be on Suunday because I want to be trusting towards 39.10, even if he claims he would be home the whole day, I would believe. Or would I? Before Sunday could even come, he told me today that he has to attend a friend's wedding this Sunday... which mad me doubtful. I totally detest a relationship where mistrust exist... so much that I feel like ending it sometimes. It is all these mistrusts and doubts that makes this relationship so untolerable.
I don't want my first vday being attached to be disappointing. I don't want to learn that the day after vday is a day of the relationship's destruction (it would be if 39.10 wants to celebrate 35.45's birthday - I'm that petty).
what we could have been, 1:09 AM.
